Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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