If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
