Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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