I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize