sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
