update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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