my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
