No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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