Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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