Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you never un-have a 4some
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
