I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
