We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
