I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize