okay pat passed out under dana's car
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
