how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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