somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize