I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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