so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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