Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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