In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
