I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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