made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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