she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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