You're my little dorito
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
