So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
