So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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