Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
