He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
