That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
