i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
