There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
