I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
