if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
