She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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