This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
