im having a threesome with these popsicles
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
zippers are such a cool invention
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
