hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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