lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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