Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
