I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
