Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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