Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This show inspires me to have sex in space
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize