If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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