everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
