I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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