I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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