I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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