Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think your dad took our porno
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
