At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
two words: eviction party
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
