If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
