The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
