oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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