i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
