Kiss
Puke
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize