True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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