I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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