I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize