Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
