Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
