friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
