over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize