Pappa wants mamma naked
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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