Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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