i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
