You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i drank out of a bidet.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
