that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
