Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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