well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
