woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
