With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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